My Hands, My Hands, My, uh, My

Friday baby! Am I still sick? Yes. Do I still feel like a bag of poo? Si. But it's Friday, baby! This is a new semester and I gotta get on point with my weekend game. Soundtrack to this blog belongs to Gym Class Heroes today.

Today I'm gonna talk about one of my new favorite things in the world. This is going to sound like an absurd thing to name one of my new favorite things in the world, but bear with me here. It is the ability to leave comments on people's facebook statuses. At first I was like, "do we really need the ability to give our opinions on everything?". The answer is yes, in fact, a resounding yes. Because really, there's nothing more annoying than an annoying facebook status, especially now that the News Feed shoves it in your face mere seconds after it is posted.

First off, and probably least importantly, this can be used for practical reasons. Say I put up a facebook status of "Jay is making peanut butter brownies with almonds". All you have to do is comment something like "alright I'm coming over to help you eat the brownies, you couldn't possibly eat an entire batch by yourself", and BAM, a brownie date has been made via the Internet.

The commenting function can also be used for instant feedback. I'll put something like "Jay is going to try to lose 15 pounds", and then a sensible person can comment back "oh jay you don't need to lose 15 pounds, and anyways I'm not sure that facebook is the appropriate venue to be posting this information". Or say I have a new girlfriend and I put something like "Jay really appreciates his new girl for what a kind, sweet person she is"... you can just throw back something simple and appropriate like "yeah i'd put it in her."

The last and most important part of the commenting is the ability to instantly tell somebody to shut the f' up. If I'm being all emo and I throwback to something like "Jay is Until the day I die, I'll spill my heart for you" (which doesn't even make grammatical sense whatsoever), you can say something like "how about getting a blow job? Really I think it would help." Or if I say "Jay is so depressed right now", you can give me a quick pick me up by saying "sry bud but nobody really valued your life anyways. you might as well jump off a bridge into a river of broken lightbulbs and mouse traps." Now, for anybody who puts anything you really couldn't give less of a shit about, you have the avenue to notify them about this.

It's already almost 4:30 and I still haven't put a shirt on. I need to work on this.


Stayin Good,
Jay