Don't You Ever Wonder How the Hell Does Stevie Wonder See Things?

I always feel like January 1st is a bad day to make resolutions for your betterment. So is December 31st. Why?

Because you're freakin' wasted.

Anyways, I decided to wait until the champagne and strange Russian vodka I've never heard of slowly filters out of my system. I even gave myself two days, because apparently my brain needed it. And water. I digress.

Jay's January 3rd New Year's Resolut..

Actually hold on. First let me establish some ground rules for this.

A) I always make a handful of resolutions so I can at least hit one. I'm only aiming for about 30% completion here. But to put it into perspective, Juan Gonzalez only hit .295 for his career, and he won two MVP awards.

Wow, totally irrelevant.

B) Some of these are meant to be very serious; others are supposed to hover in the stratosphere of humor, but are still completely and totally serious.

C) I repeat, I was not drunk when I made this.

D) BTdubs, I'm not sure if you misread the title... but I feel like I need to clear this up. I love Stevie Wonder. I wish he was my father, even if that made me more prone to blindness (I know it wouldn't, but I'm creating an extreme hypothetical here). It's a lyric from a song, and for whatever reason it didn't take shrooms to connect it to this blog post.

E) Official background music: "Good Love" by Sheek Louch. It was the background music in my head for about half of 2008.

Here we go.


Jay's (January 3rd) New Year's Resolutions:

• Stop having to use my back injury as an excuse for just about everything I do. (NOTE: This does not mean that I'm being a bitch about my injury. It really does hurt. I'm just saying I'm finally going to get it fixed, somehow)

• Grow a ridiculously solid mustache. I think I can do it. (NOTE: Spell check is saying that I can't spell the word "moustache". I'm positive you can spell it that way. So you know what? F' it, I will. Moustache. It just looks more chic.)

• Have at least ten different people tell me that they heard a music artist/song from me, not the radio (NOTE: This one is kind of a gimme, I'll admit it. I average at least ten assists a year.)

• Go on some sort of freakin' vacation

• Do at least an hour of community service that isn't attached to an arrest or violation. (NOTE: This sounds ridiculous if you're a good person. And if you're a bad person. For completely different reasons.)

• Stay in touch with all of my close friends.

• Keep going with the blog and continue to make it awesome. And maybe even gain a few new visitors.

• Finally finish my debut rap album with Scott. (NOTE: This is an absolute must.)

• Keep working out and staying healthy.

• Meet anybody on my people I must meet list. The current list stands as: Stevie Wonder, Clint Eastwood, Common, Delonte West, Barack Obama, Al Pacino, Denzel Washington, Megan Fox, Bill Clinton, Forrest Griffin, David Beckham, Wilfred Brimley. Or I'd be satisfied with being on a slap-up-to-half-hug relationship with Turner Gill or J.P. Losman.

• Stop breaking into a really bad version of the robot every time I dance alone (NOTE: Learning how to Robot would suffice.)

• Make official decisions on the following Manlemmas: chest shaving, tanning, listening to Paramore (and Amy Winehouse and John Mayer and Mariah Carey), using smileys in texts/IMs, preferring Franzia boxed wine to Labatt Blue.

• Develop a decent falsetto singing voice. So I can serenade the ladies without embarassing myself.

• Take chances, baby. It's what life's about.